The Beatrix, the Kuja and the Evil
by merani
Summary: Beatrix babysitting babysitting the futures baddies of FFIX chaos!
1. Brahne's Idea

The Beatrix, the Kuja, and the Evil  
  
  
notes:  
I know that Amarant isn't really a bad guy, but he kind of was when we first met him in FFIX. Also, lets just pretend that Beatrix is 16 and all the baddies in FFIX are 6. :) this is my first fanfic ever... please r+r so I know if I should continue or not.  
I do not own FFIX, Square, the characters in this story... *cries*  
  
---  
  
Beatrix yawned. She had NOTHING to do. She sat outside Queen Brahnes castle, half asleep. There was no chores around the castle to be done, no bad guys to fight, no problems within the city of Alexandria, no training her troops ...nothing. She had been watching Steiner, who was also 16, run around the castle like a complete idiot, yell at his troops and worry too much about Princess Garnet for the last 3 hours.  
  
Beatrix finally got up and walked to the Queen's chambers to ask if there was anything needed to be done (for the 5th time that day).  
  
When she did, Queen Brahne exploded, "NOTHING! NOTHING! DO SOMETHING ELSE! QUIT ASKING! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! REMODEL THE CASTLE! BABYSIT! ANYTHING!"  
  
Babysitting.  
  
Beatrix smiled as she skipped out of the chamber.  
  
---  
  
Beatrix thought for awhile about this 'babysitting'. Serving Brahne wasn't a paying job, and money would be quite handy. But who could she babysit? Not the Princess, because Steiner had that covered. What about the kids in Alexandria?  
  
Beatrix started working on a poster. Across the top, she had written "Beatrix's Babysitting"..  
  
---  
  
It just so happened that the future baddies (and their parents) of FFIX were all in Alexandria. Their parents saw an ad listed in "Alexandrian Times" that said "Beatrix's Babysitting". Since all the parents would be busy in Alexandria, they thought it might be best if they left their kids with someone to watch them. And they just all happened to think Beatrix's Babysitting would be the ideal place...  
  
--  
  
One night, a moogle knocked at Beatrix's apartment with letters. These letters were from a Garland, Mrs. Coral, Scorn and Torn, Mr. 516, and someone from Giant Axe Lane. Letters from parents of future baddies and Beatrix's customers.   
  
---  
  
Beatrix sighed. Today was her first day on the job. There would be 8 kids in all. 8 insane, evil, and crazy little kids.. 


	2. Beatrix Meets the Kids

=================  
  
The first client came in about 45 minutes early.  
  
"We are too early!"  
"Too early, are we?"  
"Yes, we are too early!"  
"Are you sure we are too early?"  
"Yes!.."  
  
Beatrix glanced at the family. They were all dressed in jester outfits. Scorn and Torn continued squabbling and Thorn and Zorn were chatting back in forth the same manner their parents were.   
  
Beatrix held her breath and counted to ten. She finally yelled "ALRIGHT, PLEASE PICK THE CHILDREN UP 4 O' CLOCK. HAVE A NICE DAY."  
  
Scorn and Torn looked up at Beatrix, shrugged, left, and continued their squabble. Chibi Thorn and Zorn glared up at Beatrix.  
  
"Is she evil babysittaw?"  
"Evil babysittaw, I dunno!"  
  
Beatrix sighed. It was 9:15 now... 6 hours and 45 minutes of this talk would probably drive her mad.  
  
At 9:45, the doorbell rang.  
  
---  
  
Outside the door stood an old man, dressed in a cloak and looked quite similar to Donkirk from Escaflowne. Next to him stood a kid up to his knee who had silvery, long hair hair, green eyes and a girly outfit. She realized this must be Kuja and Mr. Garland.  
  
"Aw, what a cute little girl!" cooed Beatrix. Kuja shot her a evil and murderous look.  
  
Garland didn't notice the comment. "Kuja was created to destroy. Don't be surprised if he acts up," he grumbled. And walked away.  
  
Beatrix seemed a bit taken aback. Garland had just said Kuja was a girl..? "Er.. K-kuja... I'm sorry, please forgive me.."  
  
But Kuja was already building his energy up to use Ultima. Beatrix dashed into the apartment , but Kuja followed right behind her..  
  
--  
  
After about 5 minutes of Kuja chasing Beatrix and about to blow her up with ultima, and Thorn and Zorn commentating-  
  
"Kuja is chasing Beatwix around!"  
"Really, Kuja is chasing Beatwix awound?"  
"Yes! He is gonna use Ultima!"  
"No! Ultima he will not use! He will use Flare Star!"  
  
-the doorbell rang again. Kuja stopped chasing Beatrix around for a minute as she opened the door. She was greeted by two people - a small, reddish-orangeish-brownish haired girl with a cap on her head, and an axe on her back and a large, burly man who had an even BIGGER axe on his back. Beatrix clutched her sword which was hanging by her side -- just in case.  
  
"DADDY! I *don't* WANT to be babysitted!"  
  
The man gwaufed, whacked his daughter on the back, and said "Have fun, little Lani!" and he left.  
  
"Hmph." Lani sung out her axe from behind. "If YOUR mean to me.."  
  
Beatrix stared at the little girl. "I promise I won't be!"  
  
"Good. My axe would be more than happy to kill you!" Lani walked away.  
  
Beatrix shuddered. How is she able to carry that thing? she thought.  
  
-- 


	3. Beatrix Meets More Kids!

"I'll catch you, monkey boy!" Lani cut the air with her axe, missing Kuja by an inch. Kuja jumped in the air and hung off the ceiling, thanks to his tail.  
  
"Hah! This play shall come to an end!" Kuja swung by his tail, laughing.  
  
"Kuja is winning!"  
  
"Kuja winning, he is not!"  
  
"He is too!"  
  
"I know he is!"  
  
"I weally wonda' sometimes!"  
  
"Weally wonda' sometimes, I do too!"  
  
Beatrix shuddered. She'd either kill all these crazy kids off, or die of insanity.  
  
DING DONG!  
  
--  
  
In front of Beatrix stood two figures. One was a mass of red hair stuck onto a little boy's body, and the other was a BIGGER mass of hair stuck onto a woman.   
  
"HELLO! You must be BEATRIX! I'm MRS. CORAL!!! And THIS is my LITTLE SWEETIE-POO, AMARANT!!"  
  
Amarant stood there.  
  
"WELLLL, I MUST be GOING! Bye-bye, snookums! BUH-BAAAAAAAAAAIII!"  
  
Amarant stood there. And underneath that red blob, he had a petrified/embarrased/horrified look on his face.  
  
Mrs. Coral left.  
  
Amarant still stood there. His face returned to normal. Then he made an announcement.  
  
"I'm too COOL to be here."  
  
Beatrix sighed and escorted him into the apartment.  
  
Lani, Kuja, Thorn and Zorn all stared at Amarant. Then they burst out into laughter.  
  
"Look! A buncha wed hair stuck to a dummy!" They continued to laugh and make mean remarks about Amarant. Beatrix told them to stop, not like it was helping any.  
  
Amarant stood there.  
  
And then he whipped out his knuckle-claw things and threatendend them all and said "I'm WAY cooler than ANYONE HERE!"  
  
And everyone shut up.  
  
The doorbell interrupted the silence.  
  
--  
  
Beatrix looked down at a black mage. His yellow eyes stared up at her. He was an unusual black mage, with blueish purplish wings. He wore a brown shirt.  
  
Suddenly, he whipped out a little bell and started ringing it like mad.   
  
"SEALION!"  
  
"SEALION! COME BEFORE ME!"  
  
"Where are you, Sealion?"  
  
The Black Mage sighed and gave up. He grumpily walked into the apartment.   
  
"You must be-"  
  
"Black Waltz No. 1"  
  
"Right. So.. where are the others?"  
  
"Who cares?"  
  
"Um.. okay.."  
  
--  
  
Beatrix counted. They were all there, except for 2 and 3 obviously.  
  
The kids at the moment were all playing war.   
  
Except for Zorn and Thorn. Who were of course commentating the battle.  
  
Waltz was still ringing his stupid bell to summon Sealion. And of course, it STILL wasn't working.  
  
And Lani was constantly trying to cut Amarant, Kuja and Waltz in half with her axe.  
  
Amarant was just trying to kill everybody for laughing at him.  
  
Kuja was dodging everyone by hanging by the ceiling, reciting some of "I Want to be Your Canary" for no apperant reason.  
  
Beatrix had a time bomb in her brain. And it was ticking down to the last seconds..   
  
"EVERYBODY SHUT! UP!"  
  
All the chibi's turned to look at Beatrix..  
  
-----  
  
(Hey y'all, thanks for the reviews. This is my first fanfic... and... I guess its turning out pretty well ^^ I'm sorry that the chapters are so darned short... o_o;; they'll be longer, I promise!) -Teraa 


	4. Screaming that Can Break Windows

All the chibis stared at Beatrix. Steam was coming out Beatrix's nose,literally.   
  
All the sudden Thorn and Zorn exploded into tears.  
  
"Beatwix is *sniffle* very mean!"  
"Very mean, I *hiccup* know!"  
  
They burst out into...very LOUD...wails. Beatrix didn't know she could yell THAT loud..  
  
"Shut up, you little crybabys! We can take Beatrix ANYDAY!" screamed Lani, taking the axe off her back and swinging it around. Beatrix grabbed onto Save The Queen just in case Lani got carried away with it.   
  
Beatrix dashed around the room trying to find something to shut up Thorn and Zorn.   
  
Kuja shrugged and continued to hang upside-down on the ceiling, reading "I Want to be Your Canary".  
  
Waltz and Amarant just stood there, watching Beatrix dash around the room with Lani following her, swooshing her axe around, and Thorn and Zorn crying so loud it would probably break a couple windows in Brahne's castle.  
  
Beatrix finally stumbled on an old stuffed dinosaur.. She threw it at Thorn and Zorn who stopped crying.  
  
"...What is this?"  
"This is what?"  
"A stuffed dinosauw?"  
"Stuffed dinosauw indeed!"  
"So cool! All mine!"  
"No! Mine!"  
  
Suddenly, the little Jesters broke out into wails again.  
  
"It's MINE!"  
"No! MINE it is!"  
  
The crying was getting louder than humanly possible. Beatrix tried everything to get them to calm down, but none of it was working. The rest of the chibis went about their usual business while the jesters were crying-swinging axes, hanging by tails, trying to summon Sealion (STILL),and leaning against the wall, muttering "I'm too cool to be here!"  
  
Someone knocked on the door. Beatrix figured it was the guards who had probably heard the screams and were coming to see what was going on.  
  
It was Steiner.  
  
"Uh..uh..hi..Beatrix...uh...*blush*" Steiner held something behind his back. Beatrix knew they were flowers and Steiner was trying to ask her to go out with him AGAIN.  
  
"I don't have time for that! Can't you see I'm busy?"   
  
Steiner looked inside the apartment, noticing all the psycho children inside it.  
  
"Uh...ok...bye..*blush*" Steiner clambered down the stairs making that annoying noise as he walked.  
  
Beatrix sighed. And then she looked at the chibi's, noticing that Thorn and Zorn had actually shut up.  
  
Then she looked again and she saw Kuja looking content at Thorn and Zorn who now she noticed were petrified.  
  
Petrified..  
  
"KUJAAA! WHAT DID YOU DO? BAD BOY!"  
  
Kuja just gave her his little evil grin.  
  
  
---  
*looks at chapter* ooh, short.. oh well.  
Thanks to Auron no Aijou for the idea about Thorn and Zorn ^^ and thanks to everyone's suggestions for the story! And the reviews! :D 


	5. Lunchtime!

Beatrix whipped out a soft to cure Thorn and Zorn of there petrification..  
  
"What happened?"  
"What happened, I do not know!"  
  
  
Kuja snigged, and latched himself to the ceiling again.  
  
Beatrix looked at the clock. Time was going WAY TOO SLOW.  
  
But, it was lunchtime.  
  
Lani was the first one to notice. She invited her self to the 'fridge, snatched a carrot, whacked it in half with her axe (leaving a little dent in the floor), and ate it.   
  
As soon as Beatrix opened the can of tomato soup, all the chibi's rushed over to her and surrounded her.  
  
"I WAN' SOUP!" Waltz said.  
  
"I WANT IT FIRS'!" Thorn said  
  
"NO! ME FIRST!" Lani screamed  
  
"We'll all get soup, stupid kids!" grumbled Amarant.  
  
When Beatrix put the soup on the table, the kids instantly started chowing down. Well, most of them.  
  
"HOT! THIS SOUP IS FREAKING HOT!"  
  
"Kuja says the soup is hot!"  
"The soup is hot, Kuja says!"  
  
"SHUT UP, YOU MORONS!"  
  
Kuja sat there for a looong time before he drank his soup...  
  
Amarant just sat there with a "I'm Too Cool to Be Drinking Soup" look on his face.  
  
Lani kept using blizzara to cool down her soup, which froze it, and she complained to Beatrix that it was frozen.  
  
And Black Waltz was trying to find his mouth.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like a year, they finished.   
  
Beatrix decided to keep the kiddies under control she could occupy them with a board game. And she just happened to have monopoly. (Monopoly just HAPPENS to exist on Gaia).  
  
While she set up the game, she explained the rules to the chibis. They nodded their heads like they understood what she was saying. But all they understood was "Take everyone's money" and "Take all their property".  
  
This monopoly board was different. Instead of the monopoly we know today, Alexandria was equivalent to the Boardwalk.  
  
They squabbled over who would get the dice first until finally Beatrix settled it with eeny-meeny-miny-mo. Amarant went first.  
  
Amarant rolled the dice, and moved his piece to the chance card, which read:  
  
Go to jail. The Treno guards FINALLY caught you.  
  
Amarant swore, ripped up the card and rolled again.   
  
"I'm COOL,so I get another chance!"  
  
Beatrix sighed. This was gonna be a loooooooooong game.. 


	6. Monopoly, Gaia Style

Amarant rolled the dice again, landing on Dali, which was worth a decent bit of money. Amarant bought it, and handed over the dice to Lani. By now the dice had been seriously scratched up, thanks to Amarant's clawed hand.   
  
Lani rolled the dice, and landed on Evil Forest - the cheapest area. She shrieked "THE DICE CHEATS!" and threatened the board with her axe.  
  
"LANI! no, no, no!" Beatrix said, pulling her back. Lani calmed down, and gave the dice to Black Waltz.  
  
The Black Mage started ringing his bell and focusing his energy to use Blizzard. His plan was to freeze everyone, and while they were frozen, take all their money, property, and buy Alexandria, and win the game. Unfortunatly, at his young age, he didn't have enough MP to use Blizzard..  
  
"HURRY UP, WALTZ!" screamed Lani.  
  
Waltz sighed, rolled the dice, and landed on the Ice Cavern. He bought it, and gave the dice to Thorn and Zorn (who had teamed up,obviously).  
  
"The dice is ours!"  
"Finally, ours the dice is!"  
  
They rolled the dice, and landed on community chest card, which read:  
  
"You lose to some people determined to save the day. Pay them 5,000 gil"  
  
"WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE!"  
"Cannot be this cannot!"  
  
Everybody stared at Thorn because that last comment made absoulutely no sense.  
  
The dice was handed over to Kuja. He rolled... and landed on Desert Palace (and bought it).  
  
"Mwhahaha! You sweet, lovable morons! As you see, I am 6 STEPS AWAY FROM ALEXANDRIA, and I have the 3rd most expensive property! Hahahaha!"  
  
Kuja laughed eviliy for 3 minutes straight until finally Beatrix said, "Uh..Kuja... I think the others want a turn..."  
  
Kuja threw the dice at Amarant. Amarant rolled...  
  
...and landed on ANOTHER chance card, which read:  
  
"We SAID, go to JAIL!!!!"  
  
Amarant sighed, moved his dude to jail. Then, he pushed his guy to "Just Visiting".  
  
"I'M BUSTIN' OUT!!!"  
  
He gave the dice to Lani, who landed on Fossil Roo. She giggled, and bought it and muttered something about Armodullahan (you know, that monster who chases after you in Fossil Roo).  
  
Waltz rolled, landing on a tax collection. But, when you're 6 years old, its rare that you know what 'tax' is, so he bought the square, thinking it was property.  
  
Thorn and Zorn rolled the dice. And landed on Gulug Volcano. The two got up and started doing a dance around the monopoly board, chanting something.  
  
"SHUT UP AND GIMME THE DICE!" screamed Kuja.   
  
Kuja rolled and landed on Alexandria. He erupted into sadistic laughter. "HAHAHA! FOOLISH MORTALS! I am SUPERIOR! MWHAHAHA!!!"  
  
All the other chibi's eyes got huge.   
  
"N-not fair!" said Waltz  
  
"YOU CHEAT!" shrieked Lani   
  
"You're not...COOL!" screamed Amarant  
  
The twins were still dancing, for no apperant reason..  
  
"Wh-wha? How did I cheat? I didn't cheat! I'm just far more superior!" Kuja boasted.  
  
Lani,Amarant and Waltz started attacking Kuja but Kuja kept using flare to keep them away.  
  
Beatrix, who was reading the Alexandrian Times, noticed the war going on. And immediatly declared it:  
  
"NAP TIME, EVERYBODY!"  
  
The chibi's stopped dead in their tracks, not believing their ears... 


	7. Tetra Master - Trance Kuja vs. Beatrix

Beatrix nodded. "Yep, you heard what I said, nap time!" said the white magic user.   
  
The chibi's got VERY angry at this comment.  
  
"We are NOT taking a nap!"  
"Not taking a nap, we are not!"  
"Turn into Meltigemini we will!"  
"We will turn into Meltigemini!"  
  
Amarant leaned against a wall, and shrugged. It didn't matter too much for him, because Beatrix couldn't tell if he was asleep or not anyway underneath the mass of red hair.  
  
Lani, as usual, threatened Beatrix with her axe, and Waltz,as usual, was trying to summon Sealion.  
  
Kuja couldn't stand for this. He took a more drastic approach...  
  
A bright light covered him, and with the bright light went away, he had changed form. He was more devilish looking.  
  
He had just hit trance!  
  
"Fool," giggled Kuja. He started getting his Holy attack ready..  
  
"WAIT!" cried Beatrix, not wanting to see her apartment in shambles, "There's a better way to solve this!"  
  
"Huh?" Kuja looked at her quizically.  
  
Beatrix held up some cards and smiled. "Tetra Master!"  
  
*Quad Mist starts playing*  
  
Kuja shot her an evil glance. Going into trance for nothing...  
  
Beatrix looked at her cards. Her full deck consisted of only Alexandria and Save the Queen cards. She got out her strongest cards...  
  
Kuja looked at his deck. All eidolon cards. He cackled, and also got his strongest.  
  
Beatrix flipped the coin, both hoping to go second because of its advantage...  
  
---  
  
Half an hour later, Kuja and Beatrix were on there 10th rematch. Apperantly, their cards were equaled in strength.   
  
Thorn and Zorn were both on the floor, somehow snoring like this  
"schnore..."  
"...schnore"  
  
Waltz had his hat shoved over his eyes, asleep, and still ringing the bell anyway.  
  
Lani struggled to keep her eyes open, axe in hand..  
  
And no one could really tell if Amarant was asleep or not.  
  
But Kuja and Beatrix were still wide awake.   
  
"Rat scum!"  
  
"Don't be a sore loser, Kuja!"  
  
"AIIIIGHHH!" was a scream heard from Kuja after the 11TH DRAW.  
  
---  
  
Another half an hour later (and 35 rematches), all the chibi's were off to sleep. Kuja came out of trance, and now he was getting really tired.  
  
He unconsiously moved his cards around and finally made a mistake so Beatrix would win. Beatrix jumped for joy and screamed "I WIN!"  
  
But Kuja was dead asleep on the floor,muttering some random sleeptalk...  
  
"...I CAN'T believe you beat Deathguise... *snore*.."  
  
Beatrix smiled. All the chibi's were asleep.  
  
Well, for awhile, anyway... 


	8. Sayonara, chibis!

That 'awhile' lasted for half an hour.   
  
Beatrix had half an hour of reading a whole bunch of teen magazines. (don't forget, she's 16 ;))  
  
"Oooh, that Lowell is so hot..." Beatrix swooned.  
  
Amarant popped up. "HAH! BEATRIX LIKES LOWE-LLLLL! BEATRIX LIKES LOWE-LLLLL!" he chanted.  
  
Beatrix turned slightly red. "I thought you were asleep!"  
  
Amarant grinned under the red hair. "Yea, well, I'm a pretty good faker. It helps to have cool hair like mine."  
  
Beatrix groaned. Suddenly, Thorn and Zorn woke up. Beatrix went pale.   
  
"...Something woke us up!"  
"Woke us up, something did!"  
  
Beatrix winced. She wanted to chop off both of their tounges.  
  
And at around that time, everyone else woke up.   
  
Lani , as she woke up, felt around the floor to find her axe. When she did, she immediatly jumped up and started swinging it around.  
  
Kuja awoke, and the first thing he set his eyes on was the window. He jumped to the window and yelled "ITS RAINING!! Mwhahaha! I find it quite pleasant..."  
  
Waltz woke up, STILL ringing the bell.  
  
Lani suddenly shot a nasty look at Beatrix. Then an evil one.  
  
"LETS PLAY A GAME!" she shouted.  
  
Everyone looked at Lani, confused.  
  
"The rules to this game is to steal Beatwix's necklace thing!"  
  
Suddenly, the chibi's jumped onto Beatrix.  
  
"THE NECKLACE IS MINE!"   
  
"NO, MINE!"  
  
"What am I doing? I'm too cool to be stealing a dumb necklace!"  
  
Suddenly the door bell rang. Beatrix glanced at the clock. 3:56. Saved by the bell!  
  
She pushed all the chibi's off her and opened the door. It was Scorn and Torn.  
  
"We've Come to get our little boys!"  
"Little boys, we have come to get!"  
  
Beatrix (who was more than happy to) scoot them out. Scorn and Torn left with Thorn and Zorn. Beatrix coughed-  
  
"Oh! We forgot to pay you!"  
"Forgot to pay you, we did!"  
  
They took out some random sum of money and walked away like FFIX jesters do.  
  
Beatrix counted. It was more, ALOT more, money than they needed to pay... she shrugged.  
  
The doorbell rang again. It was Garland.  
  
"I've come to get my...ANGEL OF DEATH..."  
  
Kuja sauntered out the door. As they left...  
  
"Kuja, today I'm going out to the shop today... I need you to watch your broth-"  
  
"I AM NOT WATCHING ZIDANE!"  
  
Waltz opened the window in Beatrix's apartment.  
  
"Waltz? What are you doing-"  
  
Black Waltz One flew out the window.  
  
Leaving Amarant and Lani.  
  
Lani looked at Amarant. "You're cool!" she randomly said.  
  
"Of course I am."  
  
"ONE DAY WE SHOULD GET HIRED TO GO KIDNAP A JEWEL THAT THE PRINCESS OWNS!" she randomly blurted out.  
  
"Whatever.."  
  
(Suddenly chibi Squall comes running in and yells "WHATEVER IS MY WORD! WHATEVERRRRRR!!!" Teraa pushes him away)  
  
Lani father came. He swung his axe around Beatrix's face. "I hope you took REAL GOOD CARE of Lani! Otherwise, I'll LOP YOUR HEAD OFF!" He left with Lani.  
  
Amarant's mother came. Amarant's hair stood straight up (somehow).  
  
"COME ON, SWEETIE POOP! I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOOOD TIME!!". They left.  
  
Beatrix sighed and looked at all the gil in her hands. Alone... peace... gil... aaaaaaaah.. she thought.  
  
----  
  
That night Beatrix got two letters. One was from someone named president Shinra. It requested Beatrix to babysit a Rufus, Gast, Hojo, Reeve, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Reno.  
  
And another letter, from a Lucrecia... Requesting a babysitter for Sephiroth.  
  
Beatrix screamed and ran out of her apartment, tearing down every "Beatrix's Babysitting Service" sign in Alexandria... 


End file.
